Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Faux Fire

I normally don’t
like fakery: plastic plants,
for example, are
a crime against both nature
and humanity.
That powdery white
stuff that so pathetically
pretends to be “cream”
for coffee? You have got to
be kidding me. And,
while I’m on the subject of
sham dairy products,
“I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter”?
I can!

However: while I
readily admit that a
real, crackling wood fire
is the best, a gas fireplace
is a guilty pleasure. Turn
the switch, light a match,
poof: instant, lovely faux flames.


  1. those flames are quite real
    don't burn your slender fingers
    caressing faux flames


  2. The first thing I did when I bought this house was to rip out the fake logs in the fireplace. I love a real fire. Until the wind blows down the chimney, filling my house with smoke. Until I have to buy firewood at $ 20 a shopping cartfull. Until I have to clean out the ashes. Until I have to buy new area rugs because the embers fly out and leave little burn marks in the rug. Still, it's worth it to have a real fire.

  3. During the recent Vancouver Olympics, Stephen Colbert was interviewed by Bob Costas in a studio masquerading as a ski chalet. At the end of the clip, Colbert climbed unharmed into the faux-fireplace, claiming, "Authenticity... that's what I like about NBC..."

  4. A real fire is superior, until you've got to climb dozens of steps with firewood and never use the authentic fire. . .we're working with what we've got.